Soooo I woke up this morning around 5:45 -6:00 dont ask me why ive been waking up early this passed week, I fucked up my sleep so bad it worked its way all the way back to normal sleep time. hate it when that happens. And usally only thing that makes my sleep fucked up again is hanging with my friends or cousin late till its morning. so seeing how that isnt gonna happen anytime soon i think ill be waking up at the crack of dawn for a while....

I went to church this morning, yes i go to church, and i was surprised that i actually sat threw it without daydreaming. i actually listend to the stories and payed much attention to the priest doing his gospel. My eyes drifted down the isles to look around to see who all was around if i recognized anyone cuz i was in Keller. and i heard a few people say that they or thier parants went to that church. 2 rows infront of me was my freshman algebra teacher. this man was the one teacher ive ever known that would not give up on me, i almost cried when i saw him  but i didnt wanna say hi afterwards cuz i feared he might not remember me, i was afraid of facing the fact that he might look at me as another student, a failure, I think i was the lowest average in his class a 17 or somthing, i would always sleep cuz i had to work late nights, (very stupid kid) anyways i remember him telling his stories i remember him being so cool about me working nights and sleeping in his class, disapointed yet proud in a sense, he would always try to get me to do stuff in class, but i was way to tired to listen, even though i knew i couldnt bring my average back up, i knew he would give me a lecture during a test or somthing when he called me to his desk.

the man had heart and he tried to give a lil bit of it to each person he taught, though most kids are too blinded by trying to be cool, and not look like a pussy infront of other people, u cant blame them, i mean we did it too, atleast i did, anyways i saw him with his boys and i wished i could be one of them, lucky enough to have a father that i knew cared about them with all his heart. ..... A father.  

Im gay,

I see people do these alot i see people on aim read other peoples xanga but ive never done one my self, dunno why im doing one now, im really fucking bored i guess. or maybe i have some unconsious switch clicking thats making me want to write my thoughts down so people can browse threw them on a fucking webpage. ...... uncouncious ...... 

Whats there to say, today is another boring day except today, i feel like i cant get away from tommorow. Like theres no escape from hiding behind the next door. I feel depressed cuz my friend is depressed, wtf is that about. it makes me feel like im selfish, for wanting him to be ok just so i can fucking be ok. i sit here thinking theres nothing to do cuz he wont want to do anything with me. it makes me feel like im the reason hes hurting like when he looks or talks to me he thinks of her. and i cant do anything to stop it. and i feel like if i have  fun without him ill be selfish. I dont know what to do.. im bored selfish and lonely..... life sux i miss the days when it was just us 4 even if they dont. I miss the days when we didnt have to worry about anything even if they dont. I miss team EQ..... even if they dont   i miss my friends